For the second month in a row, this article comes to us courtesy of Arianne Benefit, Coach and owner of Lotus Bridge. She helps Neurodiverse people design their lives and businesses to fit them so they can fulfill more of their potential. She can be contacted at www.lotusbridge.com.
Are you an adult with ADHD or ADDish traits? Ever thought you might be “gifted”? How about Neurodiverse?
Arianne Benefit, Coach and owner of Lotus Bridge
WARNING: This is a mix of “rant” “rebelliousness” and “rabble rousing.”
I’m about to bring up some controversial topics, challenge some ideas, and share some deeply personal stuff, too. I hope you will join me and share your thoughts and ideas on this intriguing debate as I struggle to define what my own “real” labels are and who my clients actually are, too! Most of my clients are actually “gifted” even they don’t realize it, many have ADHD, and all have productivity and self-worth / self-advocacy challenges. Apparently, this is NO mere coincidence.
In the world of ADD there is a lot of debate about whether or not ADHD is a “gift,” a “defect” or a “disorder.”
What if it is not a “yes” or “no” question? What if people who are gifted just happen to share a lot of the same traits as people who are ADHD?
The answer may be more like this: a lot of people with ADD also happen to be intellectually gifted.
Or perhaps the real answer is that people who are “gifted” are also often “diagnosed” or “mis-diagnosed” as having ADD and at least 2 or more other “disorders” as well. Sadly, this is actually TRUE.
In the worlds of neurodiversity, ADD and giftedness, there is a growing community of researchers and scholars recognizing and confirming that there is a set of traits that are commonly grouped together in various configurations. This set of traits is combined in various ways and are shared by people in the following groups of people – some of which are labeled “disorders” and some of which are called personality traits, types or styles.
- ADD / ADHD
- OCD
- PTSD
- Bipolar
- Dysthemia
- Depression
- Existential depression
- Reactive depression
- Aspergers
- Compulsive Hoarders
- Chronically Disorganized
- Gifted
- xNxP Personality Types
- Highly Creative
- Highly Intense
- Highly Sensitive
- Highly Technical
- Highly Task Oriented
- “Addicted to Insight” (Yes, this is really out there – Refers to people who can’t stop learning, seeking, discovering. Talk about feeling like someone managed to get inside your brain and understand you better than you understood yourself. Blew me away for days.)
Misdiagnosis And Dual Diagnoses Of Gifted Children and Adults by James T. Webb
People with any one of these labels are HIGHLY likely to also have 3 or more or even ALL of these labels! Does this bother you like it does me?
See Misdiagnosis And Dual Diagnoses Of Gifted Children and Adults by James T. Webb
Furthermore, MANY of these people are ALSO highly functional and quite capable of contributing to society. A few years ago, I wrote about the nearly 100% overlap in ADHD and creative personality type here. And now, I’ve found a body of research on “gifted” people that, you guessed it, is also very highly correlated with ADD and all the above traits.
This latest research is adding even more depth and validation to the work I’ve been doing teaching deep self-acceptance, emotional processing (I don’t like the words “regulation” or “mastery” applied to emotions,) self-encouraging / motivating, coping skills, meta-cognitive skills and more (without using jargon like that of course) to help people with ADDish traits make peace with themselves and design their own unique organizing and productivity systems that work for them. Yes, all that inner work is a foundational and necessary part of learning to “value” and “enjoy” organizing enough to actually spend time doing it.
Key premise in my work is this: Much of the “dysfunction” and “disorganization” in the lives of people with neurodiverse traits is actually CAUSED by:
- the trauma of growing up DIFFERENT. Misunderstood. Constantly “corrected”. Constantly “invalidated” and called “too intense” “too emotional” “too distracted” “too sensitive” “too perfectionist” TOO EVERYTHING.
- traumatized attachment to things related to relationship trauma (loss, death of significant others, abandonment, invalidation, distrust of, or difficulty connecting with, having needs met in relationships).
- trying to follow other people’s organizing system designs and paradigms that don’t fit the way we think, believe, or function. (related to being punished for organization difficulties like not cleaning room, losing homework, being late, daydreaming etc.)
- not having access to the kind of learning needed to “learn” to enjoy doing something you do, not inherently find enjoyable, interesting, or intriguing. I help people find the intrigue in getting boring stuff done.
But I digress, back to what causes “gifted” people to commonly receive all those diagnoses and labels! Growing up different is really hard! And hard on the people around us. They have no idea what to do with us. Sometimes (okay, often) they lash out at us, get frustrated with us, and avoid us. They may treasure our strengths and promote us, etc., but not without frequently pointing out what they feel makes us “difficult” for them. Like the fact that we “challenge” a lot of mainstream values, rules and ideas. Or are late, or don’t follow instructions without asking questions. We don’t (can’t) conform without feeling a bit like we are dying inside.
The difference between “happy” and “miserable” for “gifted” people is often a matter of whether or not they were accepted — allowed to be different without being negatively labeled. What kind of schools they went too make a big difference too. Of course, whether or not they were abused or grew up with addicts, or took on the family role of “responsible” one is also a big part of it.
So here’s an interesting thing. Many “gifted” people would rather be called ADHD than be called “gifted!” Myself included.
I rejected that label as a teenager because I didn’t want to be singled out that way. I refused to be placed in an academy for “gifted” kids because I could not stomach the “elitist” attitudes that came with the crowd of people who LIKE being called gifted! HA!
So instead I was put in a foster home (this is another long story I’m not going to tell here) and dropped out of high school. By dropping out, I was lucky enough to be offered to attend an “alternative” high school in Brockton, Mass in 1974.
Those were the glory days of education. The year I spent there changed my life. I was allowed to participate democratically in my own education. I got to choose my classes, define my own homework assignments and projects and basically be treated with respect for the first time in all my years of school. (I also was allowed to configure a “custom” Master’s Degree combining business, education, and technology, but that’s another story.)
Still, I rejected the idea of being gifted. The whole notion of that word still makes my skin crawl and makes me feel kinda, I don’t know – slimy? arrogant?
Well, imagine my shock at finding out that many other people also feel the EXACT same way I do. AND, many of them have the same traits and similar history – growing up poor, growing up with abuse, addictions, depression, highly creative, technical and intelligent, achieving a lot – but feeling like an underachiever anyway.
Our sense of self-worth was so distorted we could not truly value our talents – our flaws cancelled them out, right?
Kinda like a math problem.
1 (smart) – 1 (inconsistent) – 1 (talks too much) – 1 (doesn’t follow the rules) = a Big Less than Zero
It’s so easy to make us feel unworthy, isn’t it?
Is it any wonder one of the best predictors for LOW financial achievement is high intelligence?
Here is an excerpt from an article which describes the impact (damage) that denying your “giftedness” can have on the way you develop socially and emotionally. It also defines 5 characteristics of people with “extra” intelligence. [My notes are in brackets]
eXtra intelligence (Xi) is marked by five characteristics, as follows:
1. Intellectually able: grasps complicated issues relatively easily, takes leaps in the thinking process, has a low tolerance for stupidities, and may become careless when asked to do simple tasks.
[Sounds like ADD to me, difficulties performing daily boring routines and tasks: Check!]
2. Incurably inquisitive: always curious about what’s beyond the horizon, fascinated as long as something is new, easily pursuing manifold interests. Has a low tolerance for boredom and may be slow in bringing an already-solved problem to a conclusion.
[High need for Novelty, easily bored: Check! Plus, as I've written about before we have a tendency to write things on To- Do lists and then "feel like" they are already done. We did it in our heads so now it "feels" complete. Check!]
3. Need for autonomy: Can work on one’s own and prefers to schedule tasks oneself. Will respond adversely to absolute power and formalities, and react allergically to bosses or others who exercise tight control. Will utilize fight or flight when autonomy is threatened.
[Check, check, check!!]
4. Excessive zeal in pursuit of interests: Can be inexhaustible and keyed-up as long as a problem is interesting and still unsolved. But will drop it readily when the specific curiosity has been satisfied. Can put too much energy into the wrong projects. Does not like others to perform according to low standards.
[Can you say hyperactive brain, hyper-focusing, then dropping that project like a hot potato when the research phase is done and the novelty becomes routine? Goes well with the "addicted to insight" theory.]
5. Emotionally insecure, intellectually self-confident: Knows in the head that he or she is right, but fears in the stomach that he or she will not win the case. This can easily lead to perfectionism, fear of failing, or escalating know-it-all-ness and arrogance to mask the uncertainty. Is vulnerable to a stupid or blunt display of power.
[OMG!!! Sound familiar to you too?]
SOURCE: Title: How to Charm Gifted Adults into Admitting Giftedness: Their Own and Somebody Else’s
Citation: Originally published in Advanced Development: A Journal On Adult Giftedness, Volume11, 2007, pp 9-25. Reprinted with permission.
Author: Willem Kuipers
Maybe someday, we’ll find words to describe ourselves using words that are more neutral than either “gifted” or “disordered.” I happen to love the term neurodiverse. Seems like the most accurate, and does not have all the uncomfortable connotations of “gifted” or “ADD”
If you suspect you might be “neurodiverse” or have ADD or that you might be a “gifted” person who isn’t living up their potential, you will find some fascinating articles I strongly recommend on a website called “SENG” here: http://sengifted.org/articles_adults/index.shtml
Okay, enough mindblowing for today!
Unless of course you feel like checking out my Quantum Productivity program which as it happens is actually designed for people with this delightly fascinating set of traits. I love my tribe! If the shoe fits, welcome aboard! I’m planning to hold a Q&A call in the spring prior to releasing the next iteration of the program (currently in beta.) If you are interested, get on “the list” : )
Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.
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p.s. For More Interesting Books on Giftedness CLICK HERE
I closed them yesterday.
